I need someone

I have to confess to feeling more than a little guilty. My guilt arises from the fact that I am seeing - and sleeping with - V, while my true affections lie with Susie.

If a friend of mine told me this, I would probably advise him to be true to the woman he loved and gently break up with the other. But it's not that simple. It never is. The fact that Susie does not love me back and actually wants me to date other people adds an extra dimension. In fact it serves only to confuse me further. I need physical contact, affection, even to be loved. Not that V has given any indication that she loves me, but we get on well enough. I like her, but I can't see myself loving her. But she is currently the only woman available for the physical contact thing. I feel so guilty about it, but I need to have someone in my life; even if I know it's not going to last. Does that make sense? Am I being selfish? It feels like I am cheating.

I saw Susie again yesterday for coffee. We talked for a good couple of hours, and once again, all those familiar feelings returned. At one point, we were discussing some of the similarities between our respective marriage break-ups, and it got really emotional. I felt a lump in my throat, and her eyes were moist. For a long moment, there was a real emotional connection. When we hugged goodbye, I had to tear myself away.

But I know Susie is not ready for a relationship just yet. So I will be patient, and be her friend, for that's what she really needs.