Papers

The papers arrived today. No, not the newspapers, the divorce papers.

Now that it is finally official, I am in two minds about it. On the one hand, I know that what we had is over. That chapter is closed and we cannot recreate the early days when we were both so happy and so in love. Too much water has passed under that particular bridge. She is apparently in love with someone else who makes her happy. And I no longer do.

On the other hand, I have all my fond memories and I am finding it surprisingly difficult to just let go. I suppose I have not yet come to terms with losing her. After all, as I said to her the other day, I guess I never believed her when she threatened to walk out all those times, so when she finally did it came as such a shock. And she never even considered reconciliation.

Also, the divorce petition makes me out to be the bad guy, and while I accept that I hurt her and caused her to leave, I had just as much reason to leave her. But I hate the idea of losing. I have lost enough already without having to pay for the divorce costs, and all the other things the petition lays out in direct contravention of our earlier verbal agreement.

I don't really know how to proceed. First thing I am going to do is contact a lawyer. I need some advice.