Re-assigned!

When I entered the large visiting room, I saw her instantly. Up against the wall to my right, second table down. She was wearing a tee-shirt, black trousers and high-heeled ankle boots. And cornrows in the first three inches of her hair. I was laughing as I hugged her.

We talked about me, and my relationship with L, about N's intense jealousy, and the surprise revelation that she is having a 'fling' (yes, that's what she called it) with another prison inmate. She said they had become close, that she would miss her when she got released, and would want to come back to visit her. I was surprised because she always said that she didn't feel that way about women. I never expected her to ever get emotionally involved with another woman, let alone sexually. At first I felt like I had just dropped to third place on her top ten priority list. Time will tell whether she does, indeed, stay in contact with her new lover, but I somehow think she might. Strangely, it doesn't really bother me. Maybe that's just a symptom of the male fantasy syndrome.

A couple of interesting things struck me about this conversation, though:

*) She told me but not N - he would not be happy.
*) She is entrusting me with secrets that could ruin her relationship with N.

Later, I repeated what I had said in an earlier letter - that if she ever showed up at my door with a suitcase, I would welcome her in. She said nothing. I told her that I felt like holding her tightly and kissing her. All she said was it wasn't allowed. Not that I shouldn't do it, or she didn't want me to; just that it wasn't allowed. I am starting to wonder whether my own residual feelings for her are not being - even a little - reciprocated.

The two hours we spent together felt like 30 minutes. They flew by. At the end, we were sitting close together, and I was holding her hand. When I stood up and hugged her again, she said she would call this evening to make sure I got home safely. "See, I do care," she said.

True to her word, she phoned about half an hour after I got home, with the news that she is to be re-assigned (to her home address with an electronic tag) on Monday! I am thrilled for her, and at least a little excited for me too. The news makes a number of other actions possible. I can now plan to move to my new flat without the need to find G a new school, for instance, because he will want to stay with her.

Interestingly, she also said she had already told N, and they had an argument. Apparently, N did not want her to tell her own son the news in case it got back to me. How pathetic! The fact that I visited her today is, in fact, a secret. I have not told G nor my mother, in case it gets back to N.

She refused point blank to lie to her son and she admits his jealousy is pissing her off. When, during my visit, I mentioned that she would not tolerate his jealousy for long and that it would probably break them up, she did not even attempt to deny it. I think their days are numbered, although I don't know what she will do if they do break up. She would have to notify the prison authorities if she moved, but where would she go, and what would she do with all the dogs?