Christening the new bed

My new bed was delivered to the flat yesterday. I had taken some time off work to be there when it arrived. I had already bought a new summer duvet, pillows, sheet, mattress protector, pillow cases and duvet cover in preparation. I had invited Becky over to help me 'christen' the new bed.

Co-incidentally, she had the day off as well, although she had some things to do in the morning. She arrived less than an hour after the bed, by which time I had unwrapped it, set it up and put on the new bedclothes. Yes, I should have washed them first, but didn't get the chance to.

We walked up the near-deserted high street and stopped to have lunch at what is now my local pub. We then walked through the park and back to the flat where we had a cup of tea and went to bed for the first time. We undressed each other at the foot of the bed, and I laid her down to kiss her body, savouring the scent and taste of her skin. We made love slowly and gently. She held me tightly for most of the time, favouring the missionary position so that she could wrap her arms around me and hold me close, kissing me deeply while I spent inside her.

Afterwards, she bathed and I showered, then we dressed and went out for dinner. We had no table booked, no plan, not even a destination in mind. Instead we drove around through delightfully twisty country roads, through village and town until we saw a Weatherspoons and settled on that as a viable source of food since we were by then very hungry. During dinner, we chatted amiably throughout. Conversation never seems to be strained and we talk at length. We are, after all, still getting to know each other.

Dinner complete, we went back to the flat and went back to bed to make love again. This time it was even longer, more passionate. I have no idea what time we went to sleep but it was late. The beer I had with dinner, however, acted as a stimulant, which together with the strange surroundings - and strange body beside me - conspired to make sleep fitful and restless. I awoke this morning with faint light filtering through the curtains, and rested a hand on Becky's waist. She was also awake, and moved over to cuddle. Soon she was touching my prick, bringing it back to life, and we made love for the third time in less than 18 hours.

By the time we had showered/bathed and dressed for work, I was already feeling tired again. On the train into London, I made no attempt to keep my eyes open and dozed off for a while.

Tonight I am having an early night and hopefully, in my old familiar bed, a good nights sleep.

Ups and Downs

Rainy Sunday afternoons should, if you think about it, be spent doing all those little indoor chores. However, when you didn't get home till 2:15 in the morning after spending an hour snogging in the car after an lovely intimate night of friendly conversation, those chores seem much less appealing, and I found myself reluctant to get off the sofa today.

I watched two programmes on TV that had very different effects on me.

I watched a pre-recorded episode of Seven Ages of Rock, which featured the bands R.E.M. and Nirvana. It obviously focused a lot on Kurt Kobain and I admit to feeling a twinge of sadness even though I was never a huge fan. Tragic deaths like that always leave me a little sad.

I also watched a biography of the real Erin Brockovich, which was uplifting and inspirational. Her story is a dramatic account of an individuals ability to overcome adversity and make a difference through sheer determination and hard work (along with a little talent and being in the right place at the right time).

A large amount of time today has also been spent swapping text messages with Becky. Text messages of a distinctly lustful nature. The hour we spent in my car last night playing tonsil hockey made us both as horny as hell, and it has spilled over into today. We are probably not going to get a chance to do anything about it for some time though.

Ironically, I have also been contacted by two other women - on separate internet dating sites - who, at least on the surface, look very attractive. This, of course, is no real indication of the chances that I will be happy with either of them, but attractiveness is always a bonus, no?

I almost feel guilty, because at the same time that I am dating Becky and we moving into that critical first sexual encounter phase, I am still contemplating dating other women, and there is still the chance that Mary could come back into my life. Something - no, someone - will have to give. I hope it's not Becky; she is such a honey inside and deserves to be treated well. I don't want to hurt her.

So many emotions

So many emotions. So many things to think about, to evaluate, to do.

Yesterday, I took G to visit a couple of new schools. In the unlikely event that he comes to stay with me, he will need to have a place available. Both said they could offer him a place, but need to see his academic record first. Surprisingly, he was not nearly as negative about the experience as I expected. He seemed quite happy with both schools but has already decided which one he prefers. Typically, it's not the one I prefer.

Talking of G, he is staying with N again this weekend. Bizarrely, Mary told N that she would not tell me about her imminent 're-assignment' and the cancellation of this weekends visiting privileges, so as far as N is concerned I still think they are going up to visit her. I hate being a part of someone else's subterfuge.

On a more positive note, I had another first date last night. This time with Becky. Based on her online profile and accompanying picture I had high hopes and was really looking forward to meeting her. We arranged to meet at an Italian restaurant in her home town, but as is becoming the norm, I was slightly disappointed when I first saw her. She is more overweight than her photo suggests, and she has cut her gorgeous long hair to above shoulder-length, and it continually gets in her face. But we had a lovely dinner and chatted continuously. We seem to have a few things in common. She is an uncomplicated person, which I like. I really like her as a person, I am just not as attracted to her as I would like to be.

After dinner, I walked her to her car and we hugged, then kissed. Then hugged and kissed some more until we were told to "Get a room!" by some passing revellers. It was obvious what we both wanted but her kids were at home. We finally parted with a tentative plan to meet again tonight. When I got home and texted her to say I had arrived, she replied that she felt guilty about not asking me back to her place, but for her kids sake as well as hers, she wants to give us (she and I) some time before we do that. I can understand and appreciate that. This morning, her texts are full of winks and little devil icons asking me what I want to do tonight. Hmmm, I wonder ;-)

I have feelings for a number of women now, but all in slightly different ways:

L is, I think, my best friend at the moment. She has frequently demonstrated that she is there for me when I need her, she understands me, is honest and straightforward and although we enjoy having sex, it's not the be-all-and-end-all of our relationship. If I started sleeping with someone else (Becky?) on a regular basis, I would not miss sleeping with L.

Mel is schizophrenic and I am hoping that this time she is serious about not contacting me again. Although I am attracted to her and would love to get her naked again, I no longer think we could have a future together. I hate being messed around more than anything else, and would rather not speak to her again.

Mary... ah yes, Mary... I just don't know. When I visited her the other day, I was convinced I wanted her back, and I think (although she hasn't said so) that a part of her is missing me too. If she wanted to come back to me I would take her back, but we would both have conditions that the other would not be happy with, so it's probably not going to happen. At least in the short term. Strangely, I suspect we will, at some point, have sex again. It will probably just be the result of mutual lust but I think it will happen. What that would do to our relationship is something I need to think about.

Becky is uppermost in my thoughts today for obvious reasons. I really like her, and want to be with her, to get to know her. I have always been able to see the attractive parts of women I meet, rather than the unattractive. In Becky's case, there is unfortunately not an awful lot to mention. She has a round face with a largish nose, thin lips, no waistline and I don't like her new hair style. I haven't seen her bum, boobs or legs, so can't comment about them yet. On the other hand, she is articulate, intelligent, amusing, down-to-earth, uncomplicated, honest and nice to talk to. While I am not (yet?) physically attracted to her, I think we could definitely have a relationship. I am just not sure about whether it's of the 'happily ever after' variety.

The first sexual encounter with someone is always the most exciting, if not always the most technically satisfying, and I am almost addicted to that feeling. I love sleeping with someone new - and it led to the break-up of my marriage if I am honest. I am craving being loved, if that makes sense. I want someone to want me, to love me, more than I want to love someone. I am trying hard (perhaps too hard) to get someone (anyone) to like me that way, to want me, to need me and perhaps to love me. I like the emotional and sexual security that brings. The difficult part is finding someone who likes, wants, needs and loves me, and who I feel the same about. I like Becky, I want her, but I don't need her, and I am not sure whether I will love her.

It's shallow I know, but the only way I would settle down with another woman is if I adored her physically as well as emotionally. I would need to worship her naked body, to love touching every inch of her, to miss her when we are apart, and be proud to walk down the street with her at my side.

I used to feel that way about Mary, and I want someone to make me stop missing her. Who else could fill her shoes?

Re-assigned!

When I entered the large visiting room, I saw her instantly. Up against the wall to my right, second table down. She was wearing a tee-shirt, black trousers and high-heeled ankle boots. And cornrows in the first three inches of her hair. I was laughing as I hugged her.

We talked about me, and my relationship with L, about N's intense jealousy, and the surprise revelation that she is having a 'fling' (yes, that's what she called it) with another prison inmate. She said they had become close, that she would miss her when she got released, and would want to come back to visit her. I was surprised because she always said that she didn't feel that way about women. I never expected her to ever get emotionally involved with another woman, let alone sexually. At first I felt like I had just dropped to third place on her top ten priority list. Time will tell whether she does, indeed, stay in contact with her new lover, but I somehow think she might. Strangely, it doesn't really bother me. Maybe that's just a symptom of the male fantasy syndrome.

A couple of interesting things struck me about this conversation, though:

*) She told me but not N - he would not be happy.
*) She is entrusting me with secrets that could ruin her relationship with N.

Later, I repeated what I had said in an earlier letter - that if she ever showed up at my door with a suitcase, I would welcome her in. She said nothing. I told her that I felt like holding her tightly and kissing her. All she said was it wasn't allowed. Not that I shouldn't do it, or she didn't want me to; just that it wasn't allowed. I am starting to wonder whether my own residual feelings for her are not being - even a little - reciprocated.

The two hours we spent together felt like 30 minutes. They flew by. At the end, we were sitting close together, and I was holding her hand. When I stood up and hugged her again, she said she would call this evening to make sure I got home safely. "See, I do care," she said.

True to her word, she phoned about half an hour after I got home, with the news that she is to be re-assigned (to her home address with an electronic tag) on Monday! I am thrilled for her, and at least a little excited for me too. The news makes a number of other actions possible. I can now plan to move to my new flat without the need to find G a new school, for instance, because he will want to stay with her.

Interestingly, she also said she had already told N, and they had an argument. Apparently, N did not want her to tell her own son the news in case it got back to me. How pathetic! The fact that I visited her today is, in fact, a secret. I have not told G nor my mother, in case it gets back to N.

She refused point blank to lie to her son and she admits his jealousy is pissing her off. When, during my visit, I mentioned that she would not tolerate his jealousy for long and that it would probably break them up, she did not even attempt to deny it. I think their days are numbered, although I don't know what she will do if they do break up. She would have to notify the prison authorities if she moved, but where would she go, and what would she do with all the dogs?

Prison Visit 2

I am about to embark on a 7-hour round trip to spend two hours with my estranged wife, Mary. Oddly, I am looking forward to it. I have always enjoyed being on the road, but I am also looking forward to seeing her on my own, without G and N getting in the way of the honest heart-to-heart conversation which I think we so badly need.

Interesting topics which will surely come up :

*) N's paranoid jealousy and the effect it will have on their relationship in future.
*) The things that really go on inside a woman's prison.
*) Whether the approval of her application for 're-assignment' is imminent.
*) What she plans to do after her release.
*) My new potential girlfriend.

I am still seriously wondering how much I still care for her. I cannot love what she has done, but if she came knocking on my door one day, suitcase in hand, would I turn her away? Probably not.

Cooling off?

I still don't get women. The way they seem to constantly change their minds and how they feel drives me potty! Since the weekend when L and I agreed we would continue our 'friends-with-benefits' style relationship, I have barely heard a word from her. I have sent her a few text messages saying, among other things, that I was missing her, telling her I was horny, and saying Good Morning, fancy a shag. All of these were ignored. The only text that got a response was when I told her that I had bought a new bed for my flat.

The obvious conclusion is that she is having second thoughts or has found someone else, and no longer wants to share her bed with me. If that's the case, fine; I will be happy for her if she's found someone else, but she could tell me. I think we will have to talk. Again.

In my son's best interests

Yesterday, I signed the lease agreement for the flat. I am moving to a new town, far enough away to make it impractical for my son to attend the same school. But this process has taken so long that there is now only 6 weeks of the school year remaining, and finding a school that will take him for that short period will be incredibly difficult. It's a shit system. Education is a right, and state schools are obliged to provide that education. They should not be able to refuse, should a place be available. I will begin arguing that point on Monday. He is not happy at his present school and for the sake of his education needs to go to a better school. And the sooner the better.

However, should no place be available anywhere close (enough) to my new place to make it feasible for us both to move, I have a very difficult decision to make.

G wants to live with N, his mum's boyfriend, until she is released. Apparently he wouldn't mind, and has a job that is flexible enough that he can take G to school and pick him up. From a practicality perspective, that's great and solves my problem. However, I don't really trust N, I will miss having my son around, and I am not convinced that N would make a good single parent. As G's legal guardian, I am also not happy with the idea of retaining responsibility for him but relinquishing control over his day-to-day life.

So what am I to do? What is is G's best interests?

His welfare and education come first, so if a position at a better school IS available, I will move him asap. If not, perhaps my mother and N could share the load of looking after him during the week and ensuring he gets to school, while I get to see him on weekends.

I will have to talk to my mother, and to N. A difficult decision needs to be made, but I am the only one who can make it.

Making up

We arranged to sit down and talk about it on Friday night, but after waiting for 4 hours because her niece was there, we finally went upstairs to her room. There we lay, fully clothed, and started to talk.

We started discussing the phone call with R on Monday, but when I tried to explain how I felt and the confusion I was experiencing, and read to her some of the texts she had sent, she got upset. She said she felt like she was on trial, and that I was producing evidence. Well, yeah, but only in my defence, m'lud! I told her that I was getting mixed signals and could not distinguish the truth from the banter in her messages. I apologised again, and asked where that left us.

She turned the question around and asked me what I wanted. I told her that I wanted what I had always wanted, but it wasn't the point. The point, I said, was what she really wanted from this relationship.

And then she got up, said she needed to relax and was going for a smoke!

I felt so angry! After waiting four hours to have the very conversation I had driven 25 miles to have, she thought it was more important to have a cigarette. I felt like this was unimportant to her, and that I was there for her amusement; that she was now thinking of what to say. I went downstairs, got my shoes on and left.

Yesterday morning I sent her a lengthy email explaining that I don't feel for her the way she feels for me. We again exchanged text messages, and she agreed (again) that she still wants me in her bed on a no-strings basis. Today, she is going on a date with someone else, so she has obviously decided that she can tolerate the relationship we have.

This is a roller-coaster relationship. I still like the sexual security, but am not attracted to her and don't love her. If and when either of us meets someone we want to get serious with, our relationship will revert to one of just friends. In the meantime, our sexual relationship will have to remain a secret from others we meet.

Get stuffed!

It's funny how sometimes new relationships seem to evolve very quickly. L and I had an argument on Monday. She called me from her friends house. R is, she has told me before, full of fun and is sex mad! She talks about it all the time. My kind of woman, I said. But when L put her friend on the phone to talk to me I was a little surprised. When R asked if I had a friend who would come round for a no-strings one-night stand because she was gagging for a shag, I was flabbergasted.

Not sure if this was genuine, a wind up or just a little friendly banter, said that I had no such single friends, but volunteered my own services. She laughed. Then after putting down the phone, L and I were texting each other and I jokingly suggested that I could sort her friend out. That was, in retrospect, a big mistake. I did not consider L's feelings, but I thought we were just friends.

She replied: "She up for it, so go for it, hun" That reinforced my assumption.

"Are you sure? Thought you didn't wanted to "

"No hun I promise. Come back to my senses today." Maybe I misinterpreted that one, because I asked:

"So ask R what time I should come round?"

"Get stuffed. You aint shagging anyone when you seeing me, so your choice?" Hang on. That's not what she was saying a minute ago. I was now getting angry.

"Make up your mind"

"Ouch. That hurt, but I'd never stand in your way. But my friends would never shag you coz they wouldn't want to hurt me."

"I don't like people fucking with my head."

The thing is I could not distinguish her genuine honest thoughts and feelings from the banter, and let my dick (as usual) rule my head. I felt like I was being messed with and at that moment I wanted to just forget about L and her nutty friend.

Then on Wednesday, she sent "We over, you know that?" It was what I was expecting, and truth be told, half wanted. I saw no future for us as a couple and having casual sex when one of us was (sometimes) having feelings for the other was not a recipe for happiness. She explained that she couldn't "do the sex share thing" but she wouldn't stop me.

She said I had hurt her because I would have gone to shag her friend but not her. That was, to an extent, true. She had correctly assumed that I wanted to spend my weekday evenings with my son, and he prefers being at home to going to his grandmothers. On a school night, it's even more inconvenient. But I was prepared to make arrangements if someone I had never been with before was 'gagging for it'. She said she would miss me, but didn't have any regrets.

That night, she sent "Fucking hell, I miss you already." I said I was sorry about what had happened. She said she had got too involved, that her feelings were growing.

The next day she said she was going to try to get back on track, whatever that meant. I was really confused. Trying to gauge her feelings from her texts was near impossible. She seemed to be swinging from one extreme to another within days.

Jealousy

Jealousy comes in many forms and to varying degrees.

For instance, when L told me that she was going on a date with another guy, I was for half a second, slightly jealous. Partly because we had just spent the night in bed together. When she texted me that she was probably going to shag him soon, I felt that twinge again. But not for long. When I told her I was chatting with a lovely lady on msn, she admitted to feeling a little jealous. But she is still encouraging me to meet and date other women.

Last thing before we went to sleep last night - after talking for nearly two hours on the phone - she sent :

"I not too sure I want us to be with other people just yet."

"Oh!" I replied

"Sorry, I just like what we have. Feel we need to go with it, get it out of our system."

I didn't know how to respond to that. She has said that she does not want to sleep with more than one man at a time, and if she meets someone and takes him to bed, that's the end of our sexual relationship, although we both hope to remain friends. Now she seems to be saying that she would rather keep taking me to bed - at least for a while - rather than find someone else to take my place in her bed.

I am flattered, and it feels nice that she wants to keep me around. I call it 'sexual security' - having a shag available when you need one. But at the same time I don't want her to abandon the possibility of meeting that someone special who has whatever it is that I don't and makes her heart skip a beat.


On Saturday afternoon, Mary phoned me while G and N were still on their way back from visiting her. She has asked me to keep that conversation secret. N had apparently told her that a mysterious guy named John was constantly phoning him telling him that Mary was taking him for a ride, that she would leave him and go back to her husband - me. I was amazed. Partly because it wasn't me and I don't know who it could possibly be. N, she said, thinks that whoever it is, I put him up to it. But Mary knows that I wouldn't do anything like that. It's not my style.

My suspicion is that N has made up the entire thing. That his massive insecurity and jealousy has caused him to want Mary to see me in a bad light. It's upsetting her too, and that's not good.

These examples of the two extremes of jealousy are interesting, because I think jealousy is tied to love. The more you love someone the more vulnerable you are to being jealous. Because L and I do not love each other, we do not feel particularly jealous. But we do a bit. N is obviously madly in love with my dear estranged wife, and because he still sees me as a threat, exacerbated by the recent improvement in the tone of our conversations, his jealousy is now getting bigger and greener.

My selfish side hopes that this destroys their relationship; I just don't want him to win her heart at my expense - he's not worthy. But the part that still cares for Mary hopes that between them, they can sort it out. My concern is that she and I are naturally going to need to interact on a regular basis, and he won't like it. Every time she phones me or visits me, there is the chance that either he gets more jealous or prevents it from happening. Either way, it cannot help their relationship, or ours. Mary is going to be stuck in the middle and potentially, so is G, our son.

Jealousy helps no-one. N needs to remember that if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. And if you hold onto something too tightly, it will simply slip through your fingers

Sexual misnomers

Most women know that a 'blow job' is anything but. Men derive little pleasure in having their lover blow on their penis. It's the licking and sucking, in concert with some subtle hand movements that generate the most pleasure. But 'blow job' is not the only sexual misnomer. There is another that apparently fewer women have actually realised is not as accurately named as it should be - 'tug job'.

The 'tug job' or 'hand job' can be just as satisfying as fellatio when performed correctly, but in recent months two women - and not young naive ones, either - have both demonstrated that they have not grasped the fundamentals of a good hand job.

The key lies in the realisation that the hand/s should mimic the feel of a tight vagina as far as possible. During normal penetrative sex, stimulation of the penis occurs almost entirely in the forward thrust, not the withdrawal stroke. It stands to reason therefore that the most stimulating hand motion should be a pushing one, not a pulling one.

Hand Job Advice.com has some short video demonstrations of various techniques to use. The pulling motion is called 'milking the bull' but I wouldn't recommend it. My personal favourites are the Corkscrew, the Washing Machine, the Slippy Grippy, and the Swizzle Stick. You could also try the Shocker and see if your man likes it in conjunction with the other techniques.

Lingerie

As a measure of how weird our relationship is, L wanted me to buy her a new sex toy last week. Her entire collection of toys numbered.... 1. It was a pink Rampant Rabbit and she wanted something new and different, something that would stimulate her clit. I bought her one of those little ones that you can slip on a finger. She loves it.

Now she wants me to buy her some sexy underwear. Actually, I am not sure whether the idea was originally hers or mine, but while sex toys are relatively straightforward things to buy - even in person - sexy underwear is much more difficult. For a start, there's the size issue. She has confided that she is a (UK) dress size 14, and has a 36C bust. That should be enough to go on. But then, what sort of underwear do I go for?

"Do you want something you can wear in public or just in the bedroom?" I asked

"Out" was the reply.

She couldn't be more specific, so I am left wondering whether to go for sexy-but-classy - the sort of thing she wouldn't mind being caught in if she had to go to hospital and they cut her clothes off, or something a little naughtier that would make her feel wanton and sexy, even sluttish, beneath her clothes. I only have tomorrow to find something, as we are meeting tomorrow evening.

Tonight, though, she sees her new guy, Des. She insists she is not going to go to bed with him just yet, but that it will be soon. I am not jealous - not really. But I am curious to find out whether he's better in bed and hearing about her exploits with someone else would be a tremendous turn-on.

Early morning text

Chatting on the phone last night, L reiterated that she was not actually attracted to me, but she was really enjoying the sexual relationship that we have. The feeling is mutual. However, because she does not find me attractive, she is actively seeking other men. Both to have sex with (the last 5 years have been spent with one man) and to settle down with. Her earlier text that she was definitely going to shag her latest find came as no real surprise, but it's just a little weird that she can tell me that without any resulting jealousy or hurt.

Weird, but good.

She is also actively encouraging me to 'move on' from Mel - who is still sending me the odd text message enquiring after the state of my awkward life - and find someone of my own. Good advice but easier said than done.

The health of our ongoing relationship was reflected in her early morning text today: "Wanted to move my arse into you & feel your cock getting hard. Have a good day. xx"

I promised to oblige tomorrow night.

Call from Mary

Mary called again last night. Once again she was pleasant and cheerful, and sympathetic when I mentioned that packing up her stuff was proving difficult.

Interestingly she mentioned that her application for early release with an electronic tag has been recommended. It now needs to go to the parole board which meets twice weekly, and then the prison governor has the final say. She hopes to get a decision within the next two weeks.

She has not yet received my last letter though, and that was posted two weeks ago. The postal service here is getting worse all the time. A letter posted first-class a week ago last Friday has still not reached my estate agents.

In other news, my brother would have been 42 years old today.

Used like a toy

My turn to be confused.

On Sunday night, L and I spent 90 minutes on the phone while she explained why she was confused about the nature of our relationship. At the end of it, both of us tired and in desperate need of sleep, she said that the chat had helped and she felt better.

Then yesterday we both woke up horny, and the now-familiar flirting by suggestive text message began all over again. She told me to remove my trousers while I was sitting here at the PC, and told me how she wanted to kneel in front of me and play with me while I was on the phone. Then she ran out of ideas and we reverted to 'I want you now' messages. She, however, had an appointment at a friends house, so I had an orgasm all by myself. Then she changed her mind and wanted me to come over to hers. I was in the car in 15 minutes.

When I got there, she had left the key to the front door where I could find it, as she was already in bed. We cuddled, we caressed, we fondled, and then I got busy between her legs.

Instead of focussing on what was happening down there, however, she chose to hold a text conversation that was, I thought, both distracting and downright rude. To make matters worse, the person she was conversing with was another guy who she plans to meet soon, and she admits to wanting to shag.

Now I know I said I was more comfortable with this friends-with-benefits thing than she was, but it appears as if our Sunday night chat has had more than the desired effect. While she was arranging to have drinks with another guy, she was insisting that I continue to lick her clitoris and finger her pussy at the same time, all while buried under a very thick duvet that soon had me sweating profusely. All very un-sexy and frankly a little demeaning.

When I finally get a condom on, we tried various positions, but she insisted that I not come before her. Under normal circumstances that would not be a problem; I was used to doing that with Mary. But while I know Mary's body intimately and she is very responsive, L has early-onset menopause and finds it difficult to climax at the best of times. So while I did my best to meet her demands to "fuck me hard" while controlling myself at the same time, it was eventually too much for my poor abused member, and he went temporarily on strike, refusing to stay fully hard. Embarrassing to say the least. What made matter worse was that she was asking me to finger her clit while she was sitting on me, rocking her pelvis back and forth, grinding herself against my pubic bone. Try it, it ain't easy, and I could not manage it for more than a few seconds at a time.

After a short rest, we crawled back under the covers, she got me hard again and within a couple of minutes I was spent. Unfortunately she did tell me that I wasn't leaving until I had come (pardon the pun), so I'm sure she feels that my then-rapid ejaculation was due to my urgent need to get home. It wasn't.

All of this left me feeling like no more than a toy. Yes, that was partly the objective of the day - for me to make her feel good and enjoy herself - but my failure to get her to reach orgasm feels like a failure. She thought that texting another man while directing my attention between her legs was 'sexy' and a 'turn-on', and I felt used and went home feeling very unenthusiastic about our next scheduled meeting on Friday night.

She has promised that Friday will be the best we have ever had and she has a surprise for me. I am wondering whether it is time I laid down some ground rules of my own.

Sexual Positions - funny video clip

For a new take on basic sexual positions, watch this amusing clip

Sexual Position Demonstration

Posted Feb 14, 2007

Comedian Lauren Weedman shows us her version of "the basics" when it comes to sexual positions.

Mastery

L and I planned an erotic evening on Saturday night. At her request, I had bought her a tiny vibrator that slips onto a finger. I also brought with me a velvet blindfold, a book of sex positions and a pack of condoms so I don't have to remember to always bring a couple with me.

After a nice dinner during which she fed me my dessert one delicious spoonful at a time, we went back to her place. Snuggled up in bed in our underwear, she put on a DVD movie. Expecting something mildly erotic, I was a little disappointed to see the very un-erotic Miss Potter. But it did give me an idea for the next time I go round - Nine 1/2 weeks.

Neither of us really paid the movie too much attention, though, as we were fondling each other the entire time. When it finished, I showed her my presents, and we tried out the small but powerful vibrator. I found it difficult to get it into exactly the right spot and she had to frequently move my hand slightly. Replacing my artificially-endowed finger with my tongue proved more productive and she enjoyed that more. Soon, though, she was pulling me up towards her, and she turned and took my cock into her mouth. She is really good at oral sex and I love her technique.

She asked me to simulate being tied up, with my arms at the head of the bed. I was blindfolded and told not to move. Kneeling between my legs, she hoisted my hips off the bed and her mouth explored my genitals. She pulled my penis into her mouth, licked my perineum, and sucked on my balls. She rimmed her tongue around my anus and inserted a finger which she swirled deliciously inside me.

This was a completely new experience for us. We had pushed the boundaries of what we thought was acceptable into new territories. It felt comfortable, though, natural and very good indeed.

I returned the favour by finger-fucking her hard when she demanded it, then penetrating her in the Mastery and Doggy positions to a very satisfying climax, we crawled under the duvet for a few hours sleep.

In the morning, I awoke with fresh memories of the night before and with a naked female body right beside me, I was very soon erect again. I snuggled up to L's naked back and buttocks, my penis pressing against her bum cleavage. She pushed her hips back into me. I took that as encouragement and placed my erect penis between her legs and up against her vulva. With some gentle movement on both our parts, I was soon inside her again. She felt so tight and wet. Pausing only to pull on another condom, she turned onto her back and lifted her legs over mine, as I entered her again. She handed me her new toy again to play with her clit. The angle wasn't perfect but she started thrusting her hips in time with my thrusts, and it wasn't long before I filled another condom.


Yesterday we exchanged a series of text messages in which L said she was very confused. Neither of us is falling in love with the other - indeed there seems to be no real romantic attachment whatsoever - but the sexual chemistry between us is undeniable. What is causing her confusion is that she felt completely comfortable doing very intimate things with me, and she is having trouble accepting that degree of comfort without the usual emotional attachment that goes along with it. She is, as per our agreement, still chatting with other guys online and on Sunday evening had a first date with one, which she enjoyed. It served only to increase her confusion. How can she enjoy a purely (and intensely enjoyable) sexual relationship with me, while also dating other men? But she has to date other men because she knows that our relationship cannot last forever and she needs an emotionally satisfying relationship.

I hope that we can continue this... naughty liaison as long as we are both having fun. The relationship will evolve naturally anyway. Either we develop an emotional attachment or one of us meets someone else and we revert to being just friends. I would be disappointed if we stopped enjoying each others bodies, but it would not be the end of the world. She acknowledges that she would be more hurt if we stopped. What does that say about her feelings?

Baggy shorts

Many years ago, Mary and I drove five hours to visit a friend in another city. It was a hot and sunny long weekend and we enjoyed the trip immensely. Our relationship was less than two years old and we were madly in love.

I remember driving back home again on the Sunday. Mary was wearing a pair of baggy salmon-pink shorts. We were horny and she started feeling my crotch through my jeans. I returned the favour and discovered that I could slip my fingers inside the leg of her shorts, inside her skimpy panties and find her clitoris. She was always very responsive, and it wasn't too long before she had an orgasm at 75mph.

Today I found those same shorts while packing away her remaining clothing - the stuff she left behind when she first moved out. Going through someone's clothing is a very intimate activity. When that someone is your ex-wife, it cannot but stir some emotions. Packing away her clothing brought back so many memories; some of them involving a sexual activity of some sort.

In amongst the old woollen jumpers, and the black trousers that showed off her arse so well, there was the diaphanous blouse that she wore with a wonderbra beneath that got all the guys looking twice. There was also the completely see-through lace dress that she wore with only a black thong when we went to a couples club in Holland, and had pictures taken.

Each item, I folded and placed carefully into a box. Each item brought on a sense of sadness, of regret. Maybe N is right - that I would take her back if that's what she wanted. I know I shouldn't, and I know that this feeling is driven by the memories I have just relived, but still...

I don't know if she realised how much of her stuff she left behind. I have filled two large boxes already; one with clothing from the drawers under the bed and one with shoes and bedding. And there is still an entire wardrobe of hanging jackets, blouses and trousers that has still to be packed.

I'll do it later. I need a moment.