"Slow down"

Instead of going to the picnic I referred to in the last post, Mel invited me and G to her place for a bbq - again! It was pleasant enough, but I would like some more us time. Time when we are alone and can talk about personal things.

So it was a surprise then, that last week, during one of our email conversations, she mentioned that she wanted to "slow down". Now, I am not sure what that really means in relationship terms, and Mel was apparently unable to precisely define what that meant. I gather she no longer wants to make long-term plans, and that's okay. But she still wants to see me. I asked her whether she still planned to spend the night with me on Saturday after the party, and she said no, she would sleep in her own bed, alone.

Aha! So that's what 'slow down' means - I don't want to have sex with you right now. You said you love me and I don't feel the same. I am confused about this relationship and need to figure out what I want before we get all intimate again.

Well, not exactly. The reasons for all of this are complex. She says that she is upset about G's betrayal and his brief selfish spat, but I think it goes a lot deeper than that. She has been stressed about applying for a new job, about her daughter and the daughters boyfriend, who are both living with her rent-free. She also wants to spend time with her two grown-up sons, and thinks I want to restrict her freedom. Nothing could be further from the truth, but since she prefers to have conversations by email or sms, true communication is limited. I need to sit down with her and discuss this face-to-face.

I am hugely disappointed, though. The first month of our relationship has been amazing. We seemed to hit it off within the first hour of meeting. We kissed within the first two hours, and had sex three days later. We exchanged emails and text messages all day every day, we made plans to go away together, to possibly live together... And they were all her ideas. I wrote about how exciting and scary all of this was a month ago. Now she wants to slow down and I am not sure where we stand, and how much of a future we actually have together. I am afraid to demonstrate how I fell for fear of pushing her away even further.

We cancelled our plans for a family movie outing on Friday evening (I took just G instead), and cancelled our plans for lunch on Saturday. She still wants me to take her to the party on Saturday evening, and to take her to her Race for Life event on Sunday morning. I feel more like her chauffeur than her boyfriend. I am not, to be honest, looking forward to dropping her off at home tonight, then going back to my place to sleep, shower and change, then pick her up at the crack of dawn the next morning again. It's inconvenient, it means I can't drink at the party, and I have to get up really early the next morning.

And I'm not going to have sex!

I know I will spend the entire evening lusting after her. I will be touching her, cuddling her, perhaps kissing her, gazing longingly at her backside, her breasts. And I will want her naked beside me. It's going to be a frustrating night!