I had loads of good intentions of doing some packing and sorting at home yesterday while G was away, but after what happened yesterday morning, I needed to have some breakfast and get into a hot bath. I even took a mug of tea and a magazine into the bath with me, so that by the time I got out, it was nearly midday. Then a warning light on my car's dashboard got me worried enough to take my car to the garage. They didn't seem overly concerned and booked it in for next week. Then I did some grocery shopping and by then it was time for afternoon tea and thinking about dinner.
Then I got a text from G asking if he could stay at N's place for a second night. I admit my immediate thought was that I could then spend another night at L's. but that plan went sour when she was called to an emergency at a friend's place. Instead I cooked dinner for myself and watched a movie on TV before going to bed.
Productivity Score: 2/10 (at least I did some shopping)
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Paralysed.
L and I got back to her place well after eleven last night, with a couple of kebabs for dinner, because by the time I got to the pub where we'd arranged to meet, they had stopped serving food. So it was nearly midnight by the time we were both in bed and trying to warm each others bodies in the unseasonably chilly night air.
As is becoming customary, we spent a long time on foreplay; just touching, stroking and playing with each other. She does not like to be hurried. Eventually, I sank down to lap at her willing pussy, but after failing to generate an orgasm that way she pulled me up and with condom in place, I entered her very slowly. At first, I moved gently, patiently.
"Ahhh," she said. "That's sooo nice."I positioned myself so that my glans rubbed persistently over her G spot.
"I'm paralysed," she moaned in a husky whisper. I grinned and continued the slow thrusts that she obviously enjoyed.
"Harder!" she asked. I obliged, and moved faster and a little deeper too. She moaned louder and I could feel her inner muscles squeezing me. I shifted position slightly, and lifted her legs up then pumped harder still.
"Yesyesyesyesyesyesyes," she whispered as I tried to set a rhythm that would bring the orgasm I so wanted her to have. But it was not to be, and despite stopping for a moment and starting again, I was the first to come. She did not seem at all disappointed and grinned hugely as I lay down beside her and she cuddled into my shoulder, her leg thrown across mine. She talked about wanting to tie me up next time. Sounds interesting!
It was around 2a.m. when the radio turned itself off, but by that time L was snoring, and it was a while before I fell asleep.
I awoke shortly after 6, but we dozed fitfully until nearly 8, when L got up to make us both a cup of tea. A short while later, our mugs empty, we lay side by side chatting, when her phone rang. It was a friend needing a favour and she had to go. She had a very quick shower, but I was not offered the opportunity of a shower nor breakfast, which would have been nice. Instead I dressed quickly and we both left at the same time, her to her friend, me home and a long bubble bath.
I am getting used to this 'friends-with-benefits' thing. It's not the first time I have had a purely sexual relationship with someone - more about that another time - but this time, she is a genuine friend first and foremost. Even if the sex stops - most likely because one or the other of us has an exclusive relationship with someone else - we will still remain friends. Of that, I am sure. She even confessed to meeting someone for a date the other day, saying she might see him again as friends. It's obvious from her behaviour that she is not falling in love with me, which is curiously comforting. I do wonder how much she wants to give her heart to someone. And how much I do.
I must admit that, at the moment, the presence of someone I can turn to when I need a friend AND the ready availability of good sex has meant that I am less bothered to get into a more traditional emotionally-charged relationship.
Lets see where this takes us. It can't last forever, but we can have some fun in the meantime.
As is becoming customary, we spent a long time on foreplay; just touching, stroking and playing with each other. She does not like to be hurried. Eventually, I sank down to lap at her willing pussy, but after failing to generate an orgasm that way she pulled me up and with condom in place, I entered her very slowly. At first, I moved gently, patiently.
"Ahhh," she said. "That's sooo nice."I positioned myself so that my glans rubbed persistently over her G spot.
"I'm paralysed," she moaned in a husky whisper. I grinned and continued the slow thrusts that she obviously enjoyed.
"Harder!" she asked. I obliged, and moved faster and a little deeper too. She moaned louder and I could feel her inner muscles squeezing me. I shifted position slightly, and lifted her legs up then pumped harder still.
"Yesyesyesyesyesyesyes," she whispered as I tried to set a rhythm that would bring the orgasm I so wanted her to have. But it was not to be, and despite stopping for a moment and starting again, I was the first to come. She did not seem at all disappointed and grinned hugely as I lay down beside her and she cuddled into my shoulder, her leg thrown across mine. She talked about wanting to tie me up next time. Sounds interesting!
It was around 2a.m. when the radio turned itself off, but by that time L was snoring, and it was a while before I fell asleep.
I awoke shortly after 6, but we dozed fitfully until nearly 8, when L got up to make us both a cup of tea. A short while later, our mugs empty, we lay side by side chatting, when her phone rang. It was a friend needing a favour and she had to go. She had a very quick shower, but I was not offered the opportunity of a shower nor breakfast, which would have been nice. Instead I dressed quickly and we both left at the same time, her to her friend, me home and a long bubble bath.
I am getting used to this 'friends-with-benefits' thing. It's not the first time I have had a purely sexual relationship with someone - more about that another time - but this time, she is a genuine friend first and foremost. Even if the sex stops - most likely because one or the other of us has an exclusive relationship with someone else - we will still remain friends. Of that, I am sure. She even confessed to meeting someone for a date the other day, saying she might see him again as friends. It's obvious from her behaviour that she is not falling in love with me, which is curiously comforting. I do wonder how much she wants to give her heart to someone. And how much I do.
I must admit that, at the moment, the presence of someone I can turn to when I need a friend AND the ready availability of good sex has meant that I am less bothered to get into a more traditional emotionally-charged relationship.
Lets see where this takes us. It can't last forever, but we can have some fun in the meantime.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Enemies to friends
Mary phoned again last week. The primary reason for the call was to speak to G, of course, but then he passed the phone to me and we chatted for almost half an hour. It must cost her a fortune, but it is so nice to hear her being more cheerful. All the anger and suspicion has gone, and she is being genuinely friendly.
Her letters are the same. Interestingly, It is apparently N's opinion that I would take her back in an instant if she asked. She asked me if that was true. I said I wouldn't rule it out, but it was very unlikely. Do I still love her? Maybe I do, a little. Am I happy to live without her. Absolutely.
She has offered to give me a chance to visit her again. On my own. Because it would use up one of her 'privilege visits', she has asked me not to tell either G or N about it. I hate keeping things from people, and if I wanted to drive a wedge between her and N, this is an easy way to do it, but I have no reason to be nasty and I genuinely want her to trust me. I would simply rather we be friends than enemies.
I am now waiting for the visitor order to arrive. The visit will be on a Thursday, so I will have to take a day off work. I mentioned it to L last night and she offered to come with me since she has friends in the same town she would like to visit.
"We'll take my car, so I can go to my friends," she said.
No, I don't think so. My car has leather seats, climate control and a 6-disc CD changer. I'll be going in mine, thanks. Besides, she would probably want to smoke.
Her letters are the same. Interestingly, It is apparently N's opinion that I would take her back in an instant if she asked. She asked me if that was true. I said I wouldn't rule it out, but it was very unlikely. Do I still love her? Maybe I do, a little. Am I happy to live without her. Absolutely.
She has offered to give me a chance to visit her again. On my own. Because it would use up one of her 'privilege visits', she has asked me not to tell either G or N about it. I hate keeping things from people, and if I wanted to drive a wedge between her and N, this is an easy way to do it, but I have no reason to be nasty and I genuinely want her to trust me. I would simply rather we be friends than enemies.
I am now waiting for the visitor order to arrive. The visit will be on a Thursday, so I will have to take a day off work. I mentioned it to L last night and she offered to come with me since she has friends in the same town she would like to visit.
"We'll take my car, so I can go to my friends," she said.
No, I don't think so. My car has leather seats, climate control and a 6-disc CD changer. I'll be going in mine, thanks. Besides, she would probably want to smoke.
Ignore her completely
Mel is still confusing the hell out of me.
She is sending the occasional text message asking innocuous questions, like "How's the packing going?", expecting a nice friendly reply from the ex-boyfriend who is now her mate. Except we are not friends. I have made that abundantly clear on more than one occasion, but she insists on forgetting about that a couple of days later and contacting me again. After calling me a very very sad person and a wanker on Saturday, on Monday she invited me to hers for dinner. With Gareth. As mates. Unbelievable!!
L has advised me to just ignore her. I tried that on Saturday, but just got another note 90 minutes later complaining of the way I was treating her!! I am intensely curious as to how she really feels. She insists she does not want me as a boyfriend, so why does she want so much to be friends? Or does she really, secretly, want something more and is too proud to admit it? Either way, I can't understand the inconsistent behaviour and I don't need her brand of friendship either.
I suppose L is right - the more I read Mel's texts the more upset I feel. Ignoring her completely and consistently is the only way to get the message across.
Bye, Mel - it was nice for the first couple of weeks.
She is sending the occasional text message asking innocuous questions, like "How's the packing going?", expecting a nice friendly reply from the ex-boyfriend who is now her mate. Except we are not friends. I have made that abundantly clear on more than one occasion, but she insists on forgetting about that a couple of days later and contacting me again. After calling me a very very sad person and a wanker on Saturday, on Monday she invited me to hers for dinner. With Gareth. As mates. Unbelievable!!
L has advised me to just ignore her. I tried that on Saturday, but just got another note 90 minutes later complaining of the way I was treating her!! I am intensely curious as to how she really feels. She insists she does not want me as a boyfriend, so why does she want so much to be friends? Or does she really, secretly, want something more and is too proud to admit it? Either way, I can't understand the inconsistent behaviour and I don't need her brand of friendship either.
I suppose L is right - the more I read Mel's texts the more upset I feel. Ignoring her completely and consistently is the only way to get the message across.
Bye, Mel - it was nice for the first couple of weeks.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Guilty
G went to visit his mother again today. This time, though, because N planned to come and pick him up really early, I suggested that G stay the night at N's place. He seemed disturbingly excited at the prospect. Later, he told me that they planned a Rocky-Balboa-till-midnight kind of evening. I hope he was able to wake up this morning.
I told L that I was free, but she had arranged to go to a friends to babysit her young kids. But when I texted her that the house was empty and I felt a little lonely, she suggested spending the night at hers when she got back. I happily agreed, but then, after watching tv I ran a bath and added some Radox, and began to feel really sleepy. By the time I got out and dried myself it was about 11:30 and my eyes felt heavy. And still L had not texted me to say she was home. I lay down on the bed, wondering whether I should get dressed, and what I should wear, but also wondering whether I shouldn't just roll over and go to sleep. I remember hearing my phone - vibrating on silent mode - and being too tired to reach out for it. I slept well.
This morning, I discovered she had sent one text at 12:30 saying she was still at her friends. Then she phoned me just before 1 a.m. then sent another text at 1:22 asking me to let her know I was okay. I felt guilty and sent a text saying sorry.
The other day she asked me if I would want to meet someone - a friend of hers. She made it clear that this friend wasn't to know that she had been set up, but I was to contact her online. I asked what this friend was looking for but got no answer. L promised that if I sent a nice message, that she would tell me more. So I did. We haven't actually spoken since; all our 'conversations' taking place via SMS. I am supposed to go to hers tonight, but with G being away from home last night I am reluctant to fob him off to my mothers again tonight. We still have a date for Tuesday evening, though. We can talk then.
I told L that I was free, but she had arranged to go to a friends to babysit her young kids. But when I texted her that the house was empty and I felt a little lonely, she suggested spending the night at hers when she got back. I happily agreed, but then, after watching tv I ran a bath and added some Radox, and began to feel really sleepy. By the time I got out and dried myself it was about 11:30 and my eyes felt heavy. And still L had not texted me to say she was home. I lay down on the bed, wondering whether I should get dressed, and what I should wear, but also wondering whether I shouldn't just roll over and go to sleep. I remember hearing my phone - vibrating on silent mode - and being too tired to reach out for it. I slept well.
This morning, I discovered she had sent one text at 12:30 saying she was still at her friends. Then she phoned me just before 1 a.m. then sent another text at 1:22 asking me to let her know I was okay. I felt guilty and sent a text saying sorry.
The other day she asked me if I would want to meet someone - a friend of hers. She made it clear that this friend wasn't to know that she had been set up, but I was to contact her online. I asked what this friend was looking for but got no answer. L promised that if I sent a nice message, that she would tell me more. So I did. We haven't actually spoken since; all our 'conversations' taking place via SMS. I am supposed to go to hers tonight, but with G being away from home last night I am reluctant to fob him off to my mothers again tonight. We still have a date for Tuesday evening, though. We can talk then.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
BAD.
I did something BAD the other day.
I left work early (very early), drove to L's place and spent two hours in her bed. Oh, sure, the first twenty minutes were spent in the back garden chatting, but soon she led me upstairs and we got into bed. Pretty soon our clothes littered the bedroom floor and we were touching and feeling each others most intimate places. Yes, with the radio playing in the background.
She took me expertly in her mouth, and said she really enjoyed it. I reciprocated, and finally she straddled my face, and while sucking furiously on me, she bucked her hips against my flickering tongue to a shuddering orgasm. We lay back on the pillows to cuddle for a while before she got me hard again (it's not difficult), I rolled on a condom and entered her.
On a purely physical level it felt good. Really good. But emotionally there was nothing. I like this woman. She is a good friend, but we will never be anything more than we are now. Fuck Buddies.
I left work early (very early), drove to L's place and spent two hours in her bed. Oh, sure, the first twenty minutes were spent in the back garden chatting, but soon she led me upstairs and we got into bed. Pretty soon our clothes littered the bedroom floor and we were touching and feeling each others most intimate places. Yes, with the radio playing in the background.
She took me expertly in her mouth, and said she really enjoyed it. I reciprocated, and finally she straddled my face, and while sucking furiously on me, she bucked her hips against my flickering tongue to a shuddering orgasm. We lay back on the pillows to cuddle for a while before she got me hard again (it's not difficult), I rolled on a condom and entered her.
On a purely physical level it felt good. Really good. But emotionally there was nothing. I like this woman. She is a good friend, but we will never be anything more than we are now. Fuck Buddies.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Radio
Last night L and I had dinner and then went back to her place. Unfortunately she had her niece staying over, and a neighbour visiting. It was late by the time L and I went upstairs to her bedroom. It was embarrassing when her daughter came home and entered the room to say goodnight to her mother, to find a naked man in bed with her. To her eternal credit, she simply said hello to me (addressing me by name), said goodnight to her mother and went to bed herself.
After about two hours of foreplay, L finally felt ready to make love (I kid you not). It was nice, and we cuddled a lot afterwards, but L has the weirdest bedtime habit - radio. Yes, radio. She keeps her bedside radio on all the time. Even falls asleep to it. Fortunately it has a 'sleep' function so it switches itself off every hour, but it took me a long time to fall asleep, and not long to wake up. I probably had about three hours sleep.
When L got up to make a cup of tea, I got dressed and went downstairs to find the niece asleep on the sofa, and the daughter dressed and ready for work. Again, she greeted me with a smile. She's a cool kid. I left for home at about 8:30.
Driving down the motorway, I tried to understand how I was feeling. Not easy, because I was feeling a number of things.
* Satisfied because I got laid.
* Happy because a woman finds me attractive and her daughter seems to like me too.
* Guilty because I slept with a woman I am not attracted to in the slightest and who's smoking habit I despise.
L and I are friends. We could be great friends, but I do not want a romantic relationship with her. I am beginning to suspect that she might feel differently, despite what she says. We have agreed that this is very much a friends-with-benefits thing, but I am not sure L can settle for that.
Logically what would be best is that we remain just friends; no 'benefits'. But the more I get to know the outwardly naive and reserved woman, the more I know that she can come out of her shell when given half a chance and be as kinky as the next frustrated woman. I like the fact that she likes me and desires me. That she wants to sleep with me again. Am I sad enough to take advantage of that and risk a real friendship?
Apparently.
After about two hours of foreplay, L finally felt ready to make love (I kid you not). It was nice, and we cuddled a lot afterwards, but L has the weirdest bedtime habit - radio. Yes, radio. She keeps her bedside radio on all the time. Even falls asleep to it. Fortunately it has a 'sleep' function so it switches itself off every hour, but it took me a long time to fall asleep, and not long to wake up. I probably had about three hours sleep.
When L got up to make a cup of tea, I got dressed and went downstairs to find the niece asleep on the sofa, and the daughter dressed and ready for work. Again, she greeted me with a smile. She's a cool kid. I left for home at about 8:30.
Driving down the motorway, I tried to understand how I was feeling. Not easy, because I was feeling a number of things.
* Satisfied because I got laid.
* Happy because a woman finds me attractive and her daughter seems to like me too.
* Guilty because I slept with a woman I am not attracted to in the slightest and who's smoking habit I despise.
L and I are friends. We could be great friends, but I do not want a romantic relationship with her. I am beginning to suspect that she might feel differently, despite what she says. We have agreed that this is very much a friends-with-benefits thing, but I am not sure L can settle for that.
Logically what would be best is that we remain just friends; no 'benefits'. But the more I get to know the outwardly naive and reserved woman, the more I know that she can come out of her shell when given half a chance and be as kinky as the next frustrated woman. I like the fact that she likes me and desires me. That she wants to sleep with me again. Am I sad enough to take advantage of that and risk a real friendship?
Apparently.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Kids!
L and I sat down on her sofa and chatted over a cup of tea. It was the sort of nice comfortable conversation that friends have. It was only a matter of time, though, before our curiosity about each other - and our lust - took over and we got physical.
And then her daughter arrived!
We spent the next couple of hours just talking. While her daughter lay sunbathing outside, we sat on the sofa with another cup of tea and talked. At my request, she snuggled into me, and I received no objections to my hand squirming its way inside her blouse and bra to cup her perfectly-sized breasts.
It was about this time that we discussed the nature of our relationship. You see, we started out as online friends. Then we became text friends, then telephone friends. Until recently, I had only met her once and was not particularly attracted to her. I am still telling her about my relationship with Mel, so that definitely qualifies her as a friend, and she is telling me about her friends and the recent affair she had with a married man. We are definitely friends. But it is looking more and more likely that we will soon transition to being friends-with-benefits. Neither of us is sure whether it will stay that way, transition to something else, or revert back to vanilla friendship.
Needless to say it was a frustrating afternoon, but when it was time for me to leave, she asked when I would next be free, and we have arranged to meet again tomorrow evening as she is going out with friends tonight.
And then her daughter arrived!
We spent the next couple of hours just talking. While her daughter lay sunbathing outside, we sat on the sofa with another cup of tea and talked. At my request, she snuggled into me, and I received no objections to my hand squirming its way inside her blouse and bra to cup her perfectly-sized breasts.
It was about this time that we discussed the nature of our relationship. You see, we started out as online friends. Then we became text friends, then telephone friends. Until recently, I had only met her once and was not particularly attracted to her. I am still telling her about my relationship with Mel, so that definitely qualifies her as a friend, and she is telling me about her friends and the recent affair she had with a married man. We are definitely friends. But it is looking more and more likely that we will soon transition to being friends-with-benefits. Neither of us is sure whether it will stay that way, transition to something else, or revert back to vanilla friendship.
Needless to say it was a frustrating afternoon, but when it was time for me to leave, she asked when I would next be free, and we have arranged to meet again tomorrow evening as she is going out with friends tonight.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Period.
It's known by many names - on the rag, aunt flo, the monthlies, the curse, and many others, but you all know what I'm talking about. Yep, that time of the month.
L and I were going to reschedule our rendezvous from the night before, but at first she said she was hungover (not really a lie either), then finally came out and said she had her period and it was a bad one. In sympathy, I offered to come and cuddle. She said that was what she wanted too, so I am going round tomorrow - I have the day off.
We have spent all evening flirting by text. SMS is the best medium invented for getting people hot and bothered... and frustrated. But just when I told her she had me all horny, she has made me promise not to play with myself tonight, because she might 'help me out'. Oooooh!
L and I were going to reschedule our rendezvous from the night before, but at first she said she was hungover (not really a lie either), then finally came out and said she had her period and it was a bad one. In sympathy, I offered to come and cuddle. She said that was what she wanted too, so I am going round tomorrow - I have the day off.
We have spent all evening flirting by text. SMS is the best medium invented for getting people hot and bothered... and frustrated. But just when I told her she had me all horny, she has made me promise not to play with myself tonight, because she might 'help me out'. Oooooh!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
"Maybe"
Quite a day.
I arranged to go to L's place for sex tonight, but then got blown off because she had a prior engagement..... a pub quiz night!! I'm hurt.
I had an email conversation with Mel, who admitted that she still cares for me, but doesn't love me. So why did she dump me again? Oh Boy! So we agreed that "maybe" we could start again when G goes back to live with his mother. I am not holding my breath.
I had a delightful 48-minute conversation with a new girl from the dating site. She turned down an offer of a chat on msn, but gave me her mobile number so I called her this evening. She sounds really nice. I said I will call again soon. I will.
I also got a letter from Mary. A NICE ONE! Yes, that is worth noting in capital letters because it's the first letter I have ever received from her which contains a 'thank you' and four 'sorry's. She is being NICE! At last! There is, after all, some hope that we may be at least civil to each other from now on.
I arranged to go to L's place for sex tonight, but then got blown off because she had a prior engagement..... a pub quiz night!! I'm hurt.
I had an email conversation with Mel, who admitted that she still cares for me, but doesn't love me. So why did she dump me again? Oh Boy! So we agreed that "maybe" we could start again when G goes back to live with his mother. I am not holding my breath.
I had a delightful 48-minute conversation with a new girl from the dating site. She turned down an offer of a chat on msn, but gave me her mobile number so I called her this evening. She sounds really nice. I said I will call again soon. I will.
I also got a letter from Mary. A NICE ONE! Yes, that is worth noting in capital letters because it's the first letter I have ever received from her which contains a 'thank you' and four 'sorry's. She is being NICE! At last! There is, after all, some hope that we may be at least civil to each other from now on.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
L - update
On Saturday afternoon, as arranged, I drove out to L's place, and we went to a local pub for lunch. The food was good, the banter even better. We discussed sex for 90% of the time.
When we got back to her place, we sat on the sofa, and I touched her leg. My hand stoked the denim over her thighs, but I got no reaction. Time passed and she introduced me to Face Party, showed me her profile and browsed for women to hook me up with.
Now that's a cool thing for a friend to do, but I thought we were going to have sex? Apparently not.
No sooner had I got home when my phone vibrated.
"I wish u had shaved."
Oh.... My... God!
It is true that I hadn't shaved, but my beard does not grow that quickly and I had shaved the day before. My 24-hour stubble, though, was apparently a deal-breaker, so we both went frustrated.
Chatting by phone earlier this evening, she admitted that she was all ready to get me into bed, but was disappointed that I hadn't shaved. Bugger!
Lesson learned for next time. Assuming there is one.
When we got back to her place, we sat on the sofa, and I touched her leg. My hand stoked the denim over her thighs, but I got no reaction. Time passed and she introduced me to Face Party, showed me her profile and browsed for women to hook me up with.
Now that's a cool thing for a friend to do, but I thought we were going to have sex? Apparently not.
No sooner had I got home when my phone vibrated.
"I wish u had shaved."
Oh.... My... God!
It is true that I hadn't shaved, but my beard does not grow that quickly and I had shaved the day before. My 24-hour stubble, though, was apparently a deal-breaker, so we both went frustrated.
Chatting by phone earlier this evening, she admitted that she was all ready to get me into bed, but was disappointed that I hadn't shaved. Bugger!
Lesson learned for next time. Assuming there is one.
Mel - update
Well, it didn't exactly go according to plan, but then what did I expect - they are women after all.
Firstly, Mel sent me a text to say she had forgotten the books she borrowed (giving them back to me was ostensibly the reason she agreed to have a drink on Friday), so would I come round to her place instead for a glass of wine? Does Donald Duck have a speech impediment?
Then, she asked what I was going to do with G. I said I would prefer to put him to bed and go round to hers later. She declined and promptly cancelled the entire evening. She just can't make up her mind! It seems that she cannot cope with me having to put my son first, but doesn't want me to choose her over him. I really don't understand women.
So I was really surprised when, in the middle of Saturday afternoon, she texted me again:
"I can't give u what u want. mates pls x"
Mates??? How's that going to work then? She's not interested in the 'complications' in my life, and she doesn't want a romantic relationship, so what the hell does she think we'd talk about?
I replied: "Don't think I can just be your mate. Too awkward."
Mel: "Ok fine"
Me: "But I miss you"
Mel: "yes and me you x"
What? She is missing me too??
Then to top it all, today she texts to ask whether G went to visit his mum this weekend. I thought she wasn't interested? I am SO confused by that woman!
Firstly, Mel sent me a text to say she had forgotten the books she borrowed (giving them back to me was ostensibly the reason she agreed to have a drink on Friday), so would I come round to her place instead for a glass of wine? Does Donald Duck have a speech impediment?
Then, she asked what I was going to do with G. I said I would prefer to put him to bed and go round to hers later. She declined and promptly cancelled the entire evening. She just can't make up her mind! It seems that she cannot cope with me having to put my son first, but doesn't want me to choose her over him. I really don't understand women.
So I was really surprised when, in the middle of Saturday afternoon, she texted me again:
"I can't give u what u want. mates pls x"
Mates??? How's that going to work then? She's not interested in the 'complications' in my life, and she doesn't want a romantic relationship, so what the hell does she think we'd talk about?
I replied: "Don't think I can just be your mate. Too awkward."
Mel: "Ok fine"
Me: "But I miss you"
Mel: "yes and me you x"
What? She is missing me too??
Then to top it all, today she texts to ask whether G went to visit his mum this weekend. I thought she wasn't interested? I am SO confused by that woman!
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Tears
Mary called last night and mentioned that her tagging application has been filed.
"Tagging?" I asked
Apparently, she has applied to have one of those electronic tags fitted that allow the penal system to get their least dangerous inmates out of valuable prison cells and back into society without losing track of them completely. The process can take anything from a week to six weeks, but prison officials have said that she is sure to get approval. A cynic would ask why wouldn't they say that. She says she's not getting her hopes up, but that's a lie. She will be devastated if they don't grant it, and so will G.
Speaking of G, he's gone to visit her today, but this morning we had a frantic search to find his birth certificate, which is the only form of ID he has. At one point, he was in floods of tears when he feared that he would not be allowed to see his mother.
After almost an hour of fruitless hunting, G phoned N who confirmed that he has it.
Phew!
I think I have been greatly underestimating the effect that his mother's incarceration has had on him. L advised me last night to be more sympathetic to him, and get him to talk more about what he's feeling. I'll try.
"Tagging?" I asked
Apparently, she has applied to have one of those electronic tags fitted that allow the penal system to get their least dangerous inmates out of valuable prison cells and back into society without losing track of them completely. The process can take anything from a week to six weeks, but prison officials have said that she is sure to get approval. A cynic would ask why wouldn't they say that. She says she's not getting her hopes up, but that's a lie. She will be devastated if they don't grant it, and so will G.
Speaking of G, he's gone to visit her today, but this morning we had a frantic search to find his birth certificate, which is the only form of ID he has. At one point, he was in floods of tears when he feared that he would not be allowed to see his mother.
After almost an hour of fruitless hunting, G phoned N who confirmed that he has it.
Phew!
I think I have been greatly underestimating the effect that his mother's incarceration has had on him. L advised me last night to be more sympathetic to him, and get him to talk more about what he's feeling. I'll try.
Focus on the fun
I have given up on Mel. I have finally realised that we are not meant to be together. Even if she did agree to put her feelings about G aside, she is still too wrapped up in her own problems to actually devote much time to a relationship. She will be starting a new job in London soon, she has a 19-year old daughter (and her boyfriend) who live with her and they are both bone idle lazy and don't pay anything towards the rent. It was hardly any wonder that she didn't want to know how much baggage I am carrying around.
In the meantime, after our erotically-charged text conversation on Monday, L and I have arranged to spend this afternoon together. Well, a few hours of it at least. G is away visiting his mother and L's daughter is away, too. Her 'no strings?' comment on Monday suggests that we could be friends with benefits / fuck buddies / whatever. And that's okay with me at the moment. I enjoyed the emotional attachment I had with Mel for a while, but it would also be nice not to have to worry so much about the relationship, and focus instead on having fun.
Update to follow later.
In the meantime, after our erotically-charged text conversation on Monday, L and I have arranged to spend this afternoon together. Well, a few hours of it at least. G is away visiting his mother and L's daughter is away, too. Her 'no strings?' comment on Monday suggests that we could be friends with benefits / fuck buddies / whatever. And that's okay with me at the moment. I enjoyed the emotional attachment I had with Mel for a while, but it would also be nice not to have to worry so much about the relationship, and focus instead on having fun.
Update to follow later.
Friday, May 11, 2007
L and Mel
When Mel and I broke up last weekend, I retained some hope that one day we might get back together again. When I got a text from her asking for my work address so that she could post back some books I had lent her, I asked if we could meet instead. I tried to remind her that we once had something we both thought was special, and that I hoped to rekindle that feeling one day.
She made no promises but agreed to meet for a drink this evening.
However....
My burgeoning relationship with L makes me feel more than a little guilty. L is a good friend, a great listener and she has provided some good advice in the past. I think whatever happens, we would be good friends. I am not really attracted to her but the opportunity to turn our friendship into one with benefits is proving very tempting indeed, especially since Mel and I split.
This has made me feel that re-igniting my relationship with Mel is less important, somehow. Her apparent intention to date other people and her 'making no promises' attitude leads me to believe that I may be wasting my time in her direction. Does that make me shallow? What happened to all those feelings for her I thought I had a few short weeks ago?
This evening may tell me something. When I sit down across a table from Mel, I will know what me heart feels, and I can decide whether I still feel about her the way I used to. If I do, I have a difficult decision to make. If she feels the same way, I would want us to be exclusive and I will have to keep L as just a friend. If Mel is not ready for that and wants to date other people, I don't know what I will do. It may be easier - less painful - to just break it off now.
Then, hopefully, tomorrow will tell me even more when I meet L for a few hours. If we hit it off, it will further complicate my feelings.
Watch this space.
She made no promises but agreed to meet for a drink this evening.
However....
My burgeoning relationship with L makes me feel more than a little guilty. L is a good friend, a great listener and she has provided some good advice in the past. I think whatever happens, we would be good friends. I am not really attracted to her but the opportunity to turn our friendship into one with benefits is proving very tempting indeed, especially since Mel and I split.
This has made me feel that re-igniting my relationship with Mel is less important, somehow. Her apparent intention to date other people and her 'making no promises' attitude leads me to believe that I may be wasting my time in her direction. Does that make me shallow? What happened to all those feelings for her I thought I had a few short weeks ago?
This evening may tell me something. When I sit down across a table from Mel, I will know what me heart feels, and I can decide whether I still feel about her the way I used to. If I do, I have a difficult decision to make. If she feels the same way, I would want us to be exclusive and I will have to keep L as just a friend. If Mel is not ready for that and wants to date other people, I don't know what I will do. It may be easier - less painful - to just break it off now.
Then, hopefully, tomorrow will tell me even more when I meet L for a few hours. If we hit it off, it will further complicate my feelings.
Watch this space.
Headaches
No-one ever said raising an eleven-year old alone was easy. I'm sure most of them push the boundaries of acceptable behaviour most of the time, but I am getting increasingly frustrated at G. On Tuesday, he said he didn't want to go to school, but I held firm and said he must go. On Wednesday, I woke up with a headache, which turned into a migraine and I turned around and came home. Soon afterwards, G came home complaining of a migraine. Hmmm. I gave him some painkillers and sent him to bed. This morning, he says he has a headache again. He cannot be this prone to headaches, surely? And if it's not headaches, it's nausea.
Does he dislike school that much? Is he really lying to me all the time, or just some of the time? Do I put my foot down and send him anyway, or pander to his wishes and lose another day off work so that he doesn't take the piss even further? I hate not being able to trust him, and he seems to resent it.
Right now, I am dressed and ready for work, waiting to see if the paracetamol takes effect. I will shortly be taking him to school, or if he still insists he has a headache, putting him to bed until he does feel better. At which point I will take him to school. I can't have him manipulate me whenever he wants to.
Does he dislike school that much? Is he really lying to me all the time, or just some of the time? Do I put my foot down and send him anyway, or pander to his wishes and lose another day off work so that he doesn't take the piss even further? I hate not being able to trust him, and he seems to resent it.
Right now, I am dressed and ready for work, waiting to see if the paracetamol takes effect. I will shortly be taking him to school, or if he still insists he has a headache, putting him to bed until he does feel better. At which point I will take him to school. I can't have him manipulate me whenever he wants to.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Vibrator movie
While surfing blogs, I came across a piece of erotica and a link to this movie. Hope you like it.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Text flirting bears fruit.... almost.
The act of flirting has been made infinitely easier with the advent of email, Instant Messaging and SMS text messages. When I was young, if you wanted to flirt with someone you had to do it over the phone or face-to-face. When I was young, I was very shy. I didn't flirt with anyone. Well, hardly ever. The first girl I ever asked out on a date (at the age of about 13) turned me down, and it took me a while to recover.
Today, flirting is as simple as Abc. And I am less shy. So when an old friend from the dating site (L) sends me text messages out of the blue asking how I am, sending a saucy, suggestive text message seems to come almost naturally. So when she said she was 'chilling on her bed', the conversation went something like this :
Me: You are terrible - any excuse to take your clothes off :-)
L: I'm fully dressed. What you doing?
Me: Watching a movie on TV. What you wearing?
L: Jeans and a red & white top. You watch too much tv lol.
Me: True
L: I'm sure if things were different you wouldn't
Me: You mean if you were here?
L: Noo, I don't think I would make a difference lol.
Me: I bet you could distract me ;-)
L: U frustrated by any chance lol. u do make me laugh. But let u in on a secret - I feeling a bit like that 2 ;) x Getting interesting....
Me: Very frustrated. So what we going to do about it?
L: No strings? x Ah ha!
Me: None whatsoever. No promises, no expectations. x You see, I have only met her once, and she is not really my type, but I figure if she wants some NSA fun, then who am I to say no?
L: Wot would you like? x
Me: Would like to lick your clit till you come.
L: Bring it on!
Me: Then would fuck you doggy until we both come. Subtle that, I know.
L: I'm wet now :-P lol dam u lol x
Me: Your wetness, my hardness. What we going to do about it?
L: Damn shame you not here now, or its a close escape 4 u lol. I'd blow your mind big time. x VERY promising!
Me: Ok so when can I come round?
L: Come now? x
Me: Can leave now, but only for a couple hours. Would need to leave G alone. Where's H? (her daughter)
L: So you like oral then? Giving and getting? I do Bet u rock hard now? Bet I could make u harder still. H at work, coming home at 5. At this point, it's worth noting that it's 4:30, and the town she lives in is 45 minutes away. Damn!
Me: I love oral both ways, I very hard and I can't get there before 5. Damn!
At this point I tried to call her, but got no reply. Mildly concerned that this was some sort of game that would be spoilt if we were to talk, I called her home number and again got no reply. Sod it, I thought. Then -
L: Couldn't wait. Was playing with myself got carried away. Was amazing. oops sorry. x
My erection was now physically painful from being restricted inside my jeans.
I called her again, and this time she answered the phone.
Me: So did you enjoy that?
L(laughing breathlessly): Mmmm.
Me: So when can I see you for round 2?
L: Don't know, when can you come over?
Me: I can come now for a short while or after dinner.
We agreed that I would come over to her place at 9-ish. She gave me her address and I looked it up on Multimap. I was so horny now, and I could barely believe that this conversation had even happened. So, I had a bath, washed and shampooed and even shaved my nether bits in preparation for the souixante-neuf I planned to enjoy. Then, at around 7-ish came another text message :
L: Can't do 2nite. H got friends coming over. Have 2 see u another time. sorry x
Me: Can we meet at hotel? I was so horny I was desperate for a shag! I even shaved down there for you.
L: Don't tell me that :-( am gutted x
Me: So meet me then. Guarantee you have fun.
L: Can't 2nite hun sorry. Don't worry we will soon. x
So, once again, I have made exciting plans only to have them shattered again. It's a diabolical feminist plot to leave us men horny and frustrated.
It's a distressing sign of my frustration (desperation?) that I am seriously considering taking time off work to meet her for sex.
Today, flirting is as simple as Abc. And I am less shy. So when an old friend from the dating site (L) sends me text messages out of the blue asking how I am, sending a saucy, suggestive text message seems to come almost naturally. So when she said she was 'chilling on her bed', the conversation went something like this :
Me: You are terrible - any excuse to take your clothes off :-)
L: I'm fully dressed. What you doing?
Me: Watching a movie on TV. What you wearing?
L: Jeans and a red & white top. You watch too much tv lol.
Me: True
L: I'm sure if things were different you wouldn't
Me: You mean if you were here?
L: Noo, I don't think I would make a difference lol.
Me: I bet you could distract me ;-)
L: U frustrated by any chance lol. u do make me laugh. But let u in on a secret - I feeling a bit like that 2 ;) x Getting interesting....
Me: Very frustrated. So what we going to do about it?
L: No strings? x Ah ha!
Me: None whatsoever. No promises, no expectations. x You see, I have only met her once, and she is not really my type, but I figure if she wants some NSA fun, then who am I to say no?
L: Wot would you like? x
Me: Would like to lick your clit till you come.
L: Bring it on!
Me: Then would fuck you doggy until we both come. Subtle that, I know.
L: I'm wet now :-P lol dam u lol x
Me: Your wetness, my hardness. What we going to do about it?
L: Damn shame you not here now, or its a close escape 4 u lol. I'd blow your mind big time. x VERY promising!
Me: Ok so when can I come round?
L: Come now? x
Me: Can leave now, but only for a couple hours. Would need to leave G alone. Where's H? (her daughter)
L: So you like oral then? Giving and getting? I do Bet u rock hard now? Bet I could make u harder still. H at work, coming home at 5. At this point, it's worth noting that it's 4:30, and the town she lives in is 45 minutes away. Damn!
Me: I love oral both ways, I very hard and I can't get there before 5. Damn!
At this point I tried to call her, but got no reply. Mildly concerned that this was some sort of game that would be spoilt if we were to talk, I called her home number and again got no reply. Sod it, I thought. Then -
L: Couldn't wait. Was playing with myself got carried away. Was amazing. oops sorry. x
My erection was now physically painful from being restricted inside my jeans.
I called her again, and this time she answered the phone.
Me: So did you enjoy that?
L(laughing breathlessly): Mmmm.
Me: So when can I see you for round 2?
L: Don't know, when can you come over?
Me: I can come now for a short while or after dinner.
We agreed that I would come over to her place at 9-ish. She gave me her address and I looked it up on Multimap. I was so horny now, and I could barely believe that this conversation had even happened. So, I had a bath, washed and shampooed and even shaved my nether bits in preparation for the souixante-neuf I planned to enjoy. Then, at around 7-ish came another text message :
L: Can't do 2nite. H got friends coming over. Have 2 see u another time. sorry x
Me: Can we meet at hotel? I was so horny I was desperate for a shag! I even shaved down there for you.
L: Don't tell me that :-( am gutted x
Me: So meet me then. Guarantee you have fun.
L: Can't 2nite hun sorry. Don't worry we will soon. x
So, once again, I have made exciting plans only to have them shattered again. It's a diabolical feminist plot to leave us men horny and frustrated.
It's a distressing sign of my frustration (desperation?) that I am seriously considering taking time off work to meet her for sex.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Introspection
The ending of a relationship is the perfect time for some introspection. It is almost obligatory. The end of my marriage did not have quite the same effect since it was, at least initially, very amicable and friendly. The end of my relationship with Mel, which, although it lasted only a month, was pretty intense, has however, sparked a need in me to think long and hard about myself.
How much of the failure of my relationships is my fault - honestly? What do I really want and need from a relationship at the moment?
Question - do you share with your boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other the details of the complexities and intricacies of your life, or are those things yours to deal with on your own? My view is that, if you are in a relationship, you share your lives and the details matter. But Mel said to me yesterday that she didn't want to know about the letters I received from Mary or what was happening with her and N. Was I reading too much into our relationship? Was I getting too serious too quickly? Or was she just trying to isolate herself from life, and focus her concentration exclusively on her own problems?
After the phone conversation in which we broke up, she sent a text message saying she needed to return a couple of books I had lent her. She initially offered to post them to my work address, and then offered to meet during the week instead. I replied Okay, where and when? I received no response. It is obvious that she cannot make up her mind.
I miss her already actually. I switched my phone on as soon as I woke up just to see if there was a message. I miss having her touch me as she seemed so fond of doing. I miss kissing her neck which she so obviously enjoyed. I miss our kisses which were so passionate. And although we only did it three times, I really miss the sex. She made me happy for a while.
After having someone around me for so long, I am finding it hard going back to being alone. I like sharing with someone what happened in our days. I like to do ordinary things with someone while holding her hand. I like to cuddle someone from behind while she is cooking and caress her smooth thighs while cuddling in front of the tv. I am a tactile person.
I am feeling lonely today.
How much of the failure of my relationships is my fault - honestly? What do I really want and need from a relationship at the moment?
Question - do you share with your boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other the details of the complexities and intricacies of your life, or are those things yours to deal with on your own? My view is that, if you are in a relationship, you share your lives and the details matter. But Mel said to me yesterday that she didn't want to know about the letters I received from Mary or what was happening with her and N. Was I reading too much into our relationship? Was I getting too serious too quickly? Or was she just trying to isolate herself from life, and focus her concentration exclusively on her own problems?
After the phone conversation in which we broke up, she sent a text message saying she needed to return a couple of books I had lent her. She initially offered to post them to my work address, and then offered to meet during the week instead. I replied Okay, where and when? I received no response. It is obvious that she cannot make up her mind.
I miss her already actually. I switched my phone on as soon as I woke up just to see if there was a message. I miss having her touch me as she seemed so fond of doing. I miss kissing her neck which she so obviously enjoyed. I miss our kisses which were so passionate. And although we only did it three times, I really miss the sex. She made me happy for a while.
After having someone around me for so long, I am finding it hard going back to being alone. I like sharing with someone what happened in our days. I like to do ordinary things with someone while holding her hand. I like to cuddle someone from behind while she is cooking and caress her smooth thighs while cuddling in front of the tv. I am a tactile person.
I am feeling lonely today.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
... and .... stop!
Within hours of our date to go to a party, she decides to change plans. Tomorrow, she texted, she will go to her friends place and go to the race with her.
Wait a minute, I thought you wanted me to be there?
Well, it's an early start and she did run it by her daughter and it was fine with her...
Oh, well that's alright then! So what do I really mean to you then?
We'll talk about it later.
Oh great!
So, I called her and it boiled down to the fact that she feels like she is getting mixed up in the squabbles between me and Mary. G has lost her trust, she doesn't like him and she can't seem to get over that.
We finally agreed that if she couldn't separate our relationship from my problems, there was no point in us continuing. So it's over!
I feel sad and a little angry. Angry at Mary and N and G for coming between us and causing this break up. Not content with ending my marriage, they have now ruined this relationship too.
Wait a minute, I thought you wanted me to be there?
Well, it's an early start and she did run it by her daughter and it was fine with her...
Oh, well that's alright then! So what do I really mean to you then?
We'll talk about it later.
Oh great!
So, I called her and it boiled down to the fact that she feels like she is getting mixed up in the squabbles between me and Mary. G has lost her trust, she doesn't like him and she can't seem to get over that.
We finally agreed that if she couldn't separate our relationship from my problems, there was no point in us continuing. So it's over!
I feel sad and a little angry. Angry at Mary and N and G for coming between us and causing this break up. Not content with ending my marriage, they have now ruined this relationship too.
"Slow down"
Instead of going to the picnic I referred to in the last post, Mel invited me and G to her place for a bbq - again! It was pleasant enough, but I would like some more us time. Time when we are alone and can talk about personal things.
So it was a surprise then, that last week, during one of our email conversations, she mentioned that she wanted to "slow down". Now, I am not sure what that really means in relationship terms, and Mel was apparently unable to precisely define what that meant. I gather she no longer wants to make long-term plans, and that's okay. But she still wants to see me. I asked her whether she still planned to spend the night with me on Saturday after the party, and she said no, she would sleep in her own bed, alone.
Aha! So that's what 'slow down' means - I don't want to have sex with you right now. You said you love me and I don't feel the same. I am confused about this relationship and need to figure out what I want before we get all intimate again.
Well, not exactly. The reasons for all of this are complex. She says that she is upset about G's betrayal and his brief selfish spat, but I think it goes a lot deeper than that. She has been stressed about applying for a new job, about her daughter and the daughters boyfriend, who are both living with her rent-free. She also wants to spend time with her two grown-up sons, and thinks I want to restrict her freedom. Nothing could be further from the truth, but since she prefers to have conversations by email or sms, true communication is limited. I need to sit down with her and discuss this face-to-face.
I am hugely disappointed, though. The first month of our relationship has been amazing. We seemed to hit it off within the first hour of meeting. We kissed within the first two hours, and had sex three days later. We exchanged emails and text messages all day every day, we made plans to go away together, to possibly live together... And they were all her ideas. I wrote about how exciting and scary all of this was a month ago. Now she wants to slow down and I am not sure where we stand, and how much of a future we actually have together. I am afraid to demonstrate how I fell for fear of pushing her away even further.
We cancelled our plans for a family movie outing on Friday evening (I took just G instead), and cancelled our plans for lunch on Saturday. She still wants me to take her to the party on Saturday evening, and to take her to her Race for Life event on Sunday morning. I feel more like her chauffeur than her boyfriend. I am not, to be honest, looking forward to dropping her off at home tonight, then going back to my place to sleep, shower and change, then pick her up at the crack of dawn the next morning again. It's inconvenient, it means I can't drink at the party, and I have to get up really early the next morning.
And I'm not going to have sex!
I know I will spend the entire evening lusting after her. I will be touching her, cuddling her, perhaps kissing her, gazing longingly at her backside, her breasts. And I will want her naked beside me. It's going to be a frustrating night!
So it was a surprise then, that last week, during one of our email conversations, she mentioned that she wanted to "slow down". Now, I am not sure what that really means in relationship terms, and Mel was apparently unable to precisely define what that meant. I gather she no longer wants to make long-term plans, and that's okay. But she still wants to see me. I asked her whether she still planned to spend the night with me on Saturday after the party, and she said no, she would sleep in her own bed, alone.
Aha! So that's what 'slow down' means - I don't want to have sex with you right now. You said you love me and I don't feel the same. I am confused about this relationship and need to figure out what I want before we get all intimate again.
Well, not exactly. The reasons for all of this are complex. She says that she is upset about G's betrayal and his brief selfish spat, but I think it goes a lot deeper than that. She has been stressed about applying for a new job, about her daughter and the daughters boyfriend, who are both living with her rent-free. She also wants to spend time with her two grown-up sons, and thinks I want to restrict her freedom. Nothing could be further from the truth, but since she prefers to have conversations by email or sms, true communication is limited. I need to sit down with her and discuss this face-to-face.
I am hugely disappointed, though. The first month of our relationship has been amazing. We seemed to hit it off within the first hour of meeting. We kissed within the first two hours, and had sex three days later. We exchanged emails and text messages all day every day, we made plans to go away together, to possibly live together... And they were all her ideas. I wrote about how exciting and scary all of this was a month ago. Now she wants to slow down and I am not sure where we stand, and how much of a future we actually have together. I am afraid to demonstrate how I fell for fear of pushing her away even further.
We cancelled our plans for a family movie outing on Friday evening (I took just G instead), and cancelled our plans for lunch on Saturday. She still wants me to take her to the party on Saturday evening, and to take her to her Race for Life event on Sunday morning. I feel more like her chauffeur than her boyfriend. I am not, to be honest, looking forward to dropping her off at home tonight, then going back to my place to sleep, shower and change, then pick her up at the crack of dawn the next morning again. It's inconvenient, it means I can't drink at the party, and I have to get up really early the next morning.
And I'm not going to have sex!
I know I will spend the entire evening lusting after her. I will be touching her, cuddling her, perhaps kissing her, gazing longingly at her backside, her breasts. And I will want her naked beside me. It's going to be a frustrating night!
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