Sarah versus Carol

Sarah

The woman who first contacted me from my profile on the dating site has now become an online friend. We exchange emails at least twice a day, and at least as many texts as well. She usually sends me a good night one, and I have started (at her suggestoin) sending her a 'Good Morning' one. I called her again this evening and we spoke for just less than half an hour.

Sarah is a few years younger than me, with two teenage kids. She has a hectic, stressful life of her own.

I am hoping that she can make arrangements so that we can meet in person tomorrow evening. She sounds absolutely lovely. From her pictures she looks very ordinary, but she sounds like a devoted parent and a sweet and loyal friend. She is someone I would really like to have as a friend. I am, however, still undecided as to whether I want her for anything more. Do I want to be her boyfriend, her lover?

I get the impression that, if this relationship develops, it will be on her terms. I think she likes the idea of having a man around, but for what I am not sure. She has expressed mild disappointment that I was considering moving even further away from Canterbury, and has often expressed little signs of affection, despite our never having met. But she is the reserved, cautious type, rather than the outgoing cheeky type. When I recently joked in an email about joining her in the bath, she replied "let's not go there".

This relationship will take time to build up. She has probably been hurt before and is now very cautious.

Carol

Carol chatted me up in a bar a week ago, and took my number.

I sent her a text message this morning, asking about her hangover. Even sober(ish) she said she wants to see me again. She is going away this weekend, but hopes to meet up next week. She wants me to find a friend so we can double-date with her friend. Fancy that! And I would do that why?

Carol is almost Sarah's polar opposite. With grown children, a four-day-a-week job, and a drinking buddy who is also unattached, she appears to be on the hunt for a good time. She is very tactile, and kissed me repeatedly on the lips the first time we met. I seriously think that she is hoping, nay yearning to be seduced. Although she is older than me, she is not unattractive, and I would be happy to oblige. At least once.


The difference between the two is that I see one as perfectly suited to a casual fling, and the other as a long-term emotional investment. The former will almost definitely not last, but will the former blossom at all? The question is, 'which do I want more'? The fling or the partner? The one-night stand or the girlfriend? Do I want another serious relationship at all so soon after separating from Mary? I am certainly missing the feeling of being wanted, of being loved. But at the same time I am enjoying the freedom of being single, of having (almost) complete control over my time.

In fact, I believe I want both. Is that wrong? Am I being greedy? Callous?

Ideally, I could have a casual fling with Carol, while slowly, gently building a relationship with Sarah. There must, though, if all goes according to plan, come a time when I will need to make a difficult decision - whether the relationship with Sarah will be a lasting one. At that point, I will either have to dump Carol to make sure that a relationship with Sarah will work, or stick to just a casual relationship.

Which decision I end up making, only time will tell.