Letter from Mary

Much to my surprise, I got a letter from Mary last night.

N had previously told me that she did not want to see or hear from me, but I guess that wasn't true either. I am not really surprised but I am sick and tired of all the lies.

Her letter is interesting because, reading between the lines, I don't think she has really accepted her responsibility for what she has done, and it is full of warnings like, don't belittle or judge me if you come to visit. She seems to have no idea of how badly G and I have been hurt by this. Our lives have been turned upside down, and neither of us did anything to deserve it.

She wants to see her son, but is adamant that she wants us to go with N. That might be difficult since he is not returning my calls. I need him to cooperate with the sale of the house and G wants to see him too, but is this just petulance or is he becoming disillusioned with the idea of handling the affairs of a convict who is using him for her own ends and with nothing to offer him?

She is, however, getting medical treatment, and says the pain is pretty much under control. That's good. Regardless of what she might think of me, I can't help but feel sorry for her, and hope that she gets better soon. I hope she learns her lesson inside and comes out wiser, stronger, and with a decent plan for the future. It won't be easy with a record, though.

She is, however, intelligent and strong-willed. She can do almost anything she puts her mind to, so it's a shame that she wound up in prison. I still cannot shake this eerie thought that perhaps, when she gets out that she might still want to come back to me. It's a silly and illogical thought rooted in loneliness and a desire to keep a connection with a 12-year relationship. Dammit, I still care for her. I can't help it.

Logically, I know it's over. She has fallen out of love with me, and N is fulfilling her need for male support - both emotional and financial. But if he's not there for her.... who is?