Pulled!

It's true that good things happen when you're least expecting them.

I invited a bunch of work colleagues for a drink this evening, and after a swift pint and a couple of orange juices, I decided it was time to go home. I paid the tab and was about to leave when a not-unattractive woman of about my age smiled and winked at me as I walked past.

A couple of months ago I would - no make that should - have carried on walking. But on this night, I thought, 'why not'.

Carol is slightly overweight, but still pretty, bright and charming, although she has a habit of saying "Really?!" a little too often. Almost as soon as I said hello and shook hands, she started touching my arm or my hand as we talked. Soon, she took my hand and placed it on her denim-clad thigh. For the next hour or so, she held my hand in hers while we chatted about spouses, divorce, kids.... the usual.

When her friend said it was time to go, I said I should go too. She squeezed my hand and I squeezed her thigh in response. She leaned towards me and I reciprocated. Our lips touched gently, then a little firmer. Just lips, no tongue, but she didn't want to stop. If we'd been alone....

I gave her my number. She said she would call, but maybe it was just the Pinot Grigio talking.

Friends and Lovers

The things they don't tell you about internet dating sites.

1. Writing your profile is worse than writing your CV, but has a similar effect. One glance at it can either make you or break you.
2. Your photo is the first thing people see, so it should be a good one. It's amazing how many people photograph themselves as if they've just been arrested. No, mine's nothing special, but then guess who has my digital camera?
   
3. There are loads and loads and loads and loads and loads of people to choose from. How do you decide who to contact?
4. Most people like the same kinds of things. Everyone likes music, reading, cinema, dining out, etc. The trick is to identify the things they like that you don't. If they like art and you don't know your Renois from your elbow, she's probably not for you.
5. You know the one woman you really like? The one you spend long periods thinking about, and wishing she would return your message? The one whose photo you downloaded to your mobile phone so you can look at her at any time? Well, she's also the one with 37 emails in her Inbox every day, because everyone fancies her.

Life is tough.

Still, I have started a regular email conversation with a lovely lady in Canterbury. She invites me to open up and write about what I'm feeling. I hope that we can be friends. Honestly, I'm not sure she wants anything else, but at the moment, a friend - a real one who doesn't want anything else - would be good.

Selling the house

The house went on the market on Thursday. Yesterday the estate agents put up a For Sale sign, and yesterday afternoon, I got a call to say that someone was interested in looking at it.

They have just been and gone. A lovely couple, they are looking for a place for her brother, who is moving down from up north. They live at the end of my road, a 30 second walk away. No wonder they arrived on time.

They looked around, and said "You might as well take it off the market now. I know he'll take it."

Wow! That was quick. While I will refrain from counting my chickens until the money is in the bank, I am hopeful that this can now be resolved fairly quickly.

Now I need to find a place to live myself.

A storm of emotions

I knew this would happen.

The moment she mentioned getting mediators and solicitors involved, I knew that our decision to split up amicably was doomed.

Yesterday, I got a letter from her solicitors warning me of forthcoming metiation talks, and saying that I was being sued for divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. She is siting that fact that she now has viral neuralgia, and I am the cause of it. Also that I offered to pay her a certain sum of money every month, and then withdrew the offer.
There is no solid evidence of the first, and besides it happened a year ago - inadmissable.
The second is simply a misunderstanding. I made a gesture not a specific offer, and it was contingent on us sorting out our existing debt first.

I was livid! I called her and we spoke - and argued - for about an hour.

Finally, she understood that all I have been asking for is to sit down with her and discuss our relative financial positions, and come to an agreement about what she needs to live on and what I can afford to pay her. She agreed to come over and discuss it some time next week. In the meantime, she is going to set aside the divorce proceedings.

The fact that she drained our joint account last month for her own personal use does not exactly inspire me to be generous, but I need to make sure my son is cared for. She does love him and is a good mother.

I am beset by a storm of emotions at the moment.

I am hurt that she has left me, taken my son and is in love with another man.
I am lonely, depressed and frustrated at my apparent hopelessness.
I am guilty for my part in - we assume - causing the phyical and emotional pain that drove her to leave me.
I am angry that she has been so selfish.

I am also looking forward to clearing our debts, getting back into the black, and starting over. I hope to find someone new with whom to start a new life. Someone to share things with, create a new set of memories with.

So I am also hopeful and optimistic.

She's in Love

My wife came round last night. I don't think she expected to find me at home, but she stayed for a cup of tea and we got talking.

Then her phone rang and she got up and left the room, phone to her ear. After a few moments, I heard the front door open and close. She had gone outside. My God! what was I not supposed to hear?

Seconds later she came in again, still talking. It was obvious that she was talking to N, her new boyfriend. As she later explained, she didn't want to hurt my feelings by speaking to him in front of me, but then decided that it wasn't worth it; that she was going to be hurting one of us either way, so she just finished her conversation.

And then.... " I love you too."

I felt as if a knife had been twisted in my heart. SHE LOVES HIM???

Admittedly they have been friends in the past, and I know he had feelings for her, but in less than a month, she has gone from friends to "I love him"??? How did that happen? I feel like I have been holding on to the last thread of hope that our relationship is still recoverable, only to have it yanked from my grasp.

I feel so lonely.

International winks

Over the weekend I had a rush of blood to the head, and took the plunge into a world of which I have always been sceptical. The idea that one can find true love - hell, any love at all - on the internet, is frankly astonishing. And yet, by all accounts it can happen! Of course, not everyone who places their profile - complete with smiling protrait - on a website, will find someone they can connect with. But there's always the chance....

I created an account on two separate sites. One international, one more centred on the UK. The results were mixed, but, in retrospect, predictable.

On the UK site, I got one response that same evening, saying that I was fussy (or words to that effect).

On the international one, my profile have been visited by no less than 6 women, and two have even winked at me. Electronically, of course. They are aged between 28 and 47, and their places of residence are listed as Romania, Hungary, Tokyo, Minnesota USA, and the two winks were from Thailand and the Philippines.

Excellent! I'll now go and book a table for my first date, shall I?

Beautiful, but unobtainable

It is not unusual, I'm sure, for unattached men to look at pictures of pretty girls on the internet. There's enough of it around to safely assume that the demand is there to satisfy the incredible supply.

I like porn as much as the next guy, but I'm not hung up about it. I enjoy admiring a beautiful face and body a lot more than explicit gynaecological studies. Carmella, for instance, is a perfect example of a really beautiful woman. So too, is Jamie.

Well, I can look, can't I?

...seeks lady in her thirties.....

Over the last couple of weeks, I have wondered about how one is supposed to 'move on' after ones wife of twelve years takes ones only child and moves out.

It took me about a week just to accept that my new situation - my new marital status, Separated - is real; that I am not going to wake up with Mary's warm body beside mine again for the foreseeable future, maybe not ever. I am not going to come home to a cheery 'Hi, angel' and a kiss and a hug. I can't now give my son a high-five when he tells me about his day at school, nor join him at PC games or on his playstation.

So, how does one get on with life? Is there a manual, a book about this sort of thing?

Am I supposed to go to bars and clubs and meet other women? Am I even ready for that? I was never good at chatting up women, and after twelve years, I have probably never been worse at it. Should I try online dating? Nah! The adult sites take way too much time and effort for a very slim chance of success unless you are built like Adonis, and I can't see the more platonic sites being any different.

I wouldn't even know what to say in an online advert any more.

Perhaps: 'recently separated man in his mid-forties seeks single lady in her thirties for friendship, maybe more. Must be of medium build, be happy with her appearance, but not vain. Should be capable of keeping a place tidy without being neurotic, and must prefer the company of people to that of horses, dogs, and cats. Must not have extreme views on any subject, but particularly religion, politics or sex. Must like the odd drink, but not like getting drunk and most of all, must not be a smoker.
The perfect candidate would be petite, with a pixie-ish face and lustrous dark hair. She would be no more than 5'6" tall, fit into a size 8 dress (okay maybe a 10), and have nice legs and bum. Kylie Minogue lookalikes are guaranteed a first date.'

Not fussy then, am I?

So what's the answer? You tell me.

Appreciation

Even when I was married, I looked at other women. It's natural. When an attractive woman catches your eye, you are genetically programmed to look at her. It's not perverse, it's not (necessarily) lustful, it's just appreciation.

This morning, I stopped off for a capuccino in a local coffee shop and sat down just a short distance away from a woman who personified that effect. She was not showing herself off; as far as I know, she was completely unaware of my presence. So, after reading a text message, I switched my camera phone on and caught this candid shot of possibly the most attractive woman I have seen in some time.

I have no idea who she is, nor whether she is single or married. If she had looked at me I might have smiled, but as I said earlier, I am out of practice at this sort of thing. I finished my capuccino and left to complete my morning chores.

If anyone knows who she is, perhaps they'd be kind enough to drop me a line and let her know she has a secret admirer.

Quiet

The house has been so empty lately.

You get used to having people around when you have been married for twelve years. Now, there's noone.

Before Mary and I met, I had spent quite a few periods between girlfriends - I have never been married before - living on my own, so I am used to tidying up after myself, grocery shopping, cooking myself a meal, doing the dishes and the laundry, etc. It's not like I'm helpless. It just feels so quiet and lonely around here.